Train Man: An INCREDIBLY biased review

I actually really like this book, but since Baka-Raptor did a biased review I wanted to do one of my own.

Maaaannn, Twilight sucks. All it is is a fantasy for shallow women who only like Edward Cullen because he’s a pretty boy vampire. I heard a story from my local anime figure dealer about how he had to order in these Edward Cullen masks that women put over their boyfriend’s heads or their husband’s heads. If your husband is that undesirable to you that you’d want to put an Edward Cullen mask over his head, I’m sorry, but you just suck. I feel sorry for the poor sap who married you.

The thing about Train Man is, nobody I know has read it or has even heard of it. Probably because due to the fact it doesn’t contain sissy sparkly vampires and a true story with REALITY in it, Train Man in its published book form sold far less copies than Twilight. Which is a damn shame, because Train Man as far as books go is awesome. The trouble with awesome books however is that half the battle of convincing people you know, shallow or not, to read it, is that most people are cheapskates. Fortunately the book originated as a forum thread of posts on 2Channel in Japan, so you can read the translated version online. What’s even better is that since the original posts and the Project DENSHA translation are in the public domain, you can read it online without getting arrested for piracy. At that advantage you can’t afford NOT to read Train Man‘s tale of love found by a Japanese otaku.

The book version is slightly different to the Project DENSHA version, because hell, it’s a book version. Book translators take creative liberties with the way things are worded, but with the Project DENSHA version you have more of a true experience of using a computer to read the posts from the original 2Channel thread. Complete with backache from staring at your screen too long sitting with a bad posture, you’ll feel like you’re really “there”, like all the 2Channellers who cheered Train Man on in the first place.

Train Man is a true story about some dude who was dubbed “Densha Otoko” by the community of 2Channel after he asked for help (some would say naively) from the 2Channel posters about whether he should call a girl whose number he acquired.

Before you think this is some pick up artist, let me make this perfectly clear. Densha is an otaku virgin who became a badass of extraordinary merit (worth three King Leonidases on the Bad-Ass Geiger Meter) by saving a girl on a train from being harassed by some old geezer who was acting like a tool and making unjustified claims about women having to do what men say all the time. There’s a difference between letting a woman know she’s wrong and being sexist. Being sexist is saying that all women suck. We all know this is not true. Women can be badass too, it is just that many cases of female badassery go unreported every day because a) News Corporations are more interested in depicting women as fine pieces of ass, and b) most female badasses are incredibly modest about their badassery, because women don’t have the problem of having to prove their dick is bigger than some other dude’s dick.

Anyway, so Densha Otoko tells this old geezer who is harassing the girl to stop it, and the old guy turns on him. As for Densha, dude’s flippin’, he’s never been in a fight before. Luckily a business man who is slightly older than him saves the day and takes care of the old man until the police arrive.

So how did Densha get the girl’s number? Densha was too much of a sissy to ask for her number himself, but he gave her his address after he gave the police the details of the event which transpired. Turns out the girl he saved has her phone number on the postage package of the thank you gift she sends Densha, and the gift is a pair of HERMES teacups. This is why in the story the girl is always referred to as “Lady Miss Hermes” as her identity (nobody gives their real name on 2Channel) because the teacups she sent Densha to say thank you were HERMES brand.

Anyway, what do I think of the book? As stories go, Train Man fulfills the very niche market for romance written from a male perspective. There’s a reason why romance for men doesn’t get written, it’s because writers are making too much money writing crappy romance novels and romantic comedies for women.

There are only three people in the world who have written (and published successfully) love stories for men, Hitori Nakano, who compiled the Train Man posts, Nick Hornby, who wrote About A Boy and High Fidelity, and Chuck Palahniuk, who wrote Fight Club. You don’t have to have a stereotypical manliness to write romance novels for men, you just have to have the balls to accept that publishers who are more satisfied with publishing crappy vampire smut like Twilight have no balls compared to people who write romance for men and take the male audience seriously without alienating them.

This book changed the way I perceived the internet. It showed me that there is hope amongst the trolls and vagabonds who make the internet a worse place to be in. And the fact that it comes from 2Channel instead of 4Chan increases its credibility. What the hell has 4Chan ever done to improve human life through the internet? Nothing, that’s what. At least 2Channel gave you a definitive freaking novel which is exemplary of Internet Literature. I’m done here, have a nice day.

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Copyright (c) Jacob Martin 2009.